meditating: not afraid of the dark anymore

cool air

icy

pushing through the clouds

higher and higher

seeing the land

tops of trees

tops of mountains

gotta go

push

more I hope

higher I fly

deeper I believe

faster I fly

bigger I love

easier I fly

birds quacking at me now

get outta my way

gotta go

don’t have time

I’m fearless

confident

free

I got this

I can do this

I need this

I left everything behind

everything

now I’m almost there

almost

seeing the crust now

the outer lining

the entryway into darkness

getting closer

it’s thick

too thick

can’t break through

I can’t

then I see His glow

see it coming closer

getting brighter

like He’s gonna help me

like He’s gonna pull me through 

But He doesn’t

He just says “Go!”

bam!

I bust right through

pieces of crust shoot everywhere

exploding

I’m in darkness now

I made it

weightless

I want to be terrified, but I’m not

I want to be scared, but I feel fine

I want to hold on to something, but not really

looking around

hard to see

stars are far away

no fire

just His glow

darkness obeys Him

moves out of His way when He moves

His glow replaces the darkness

like a painting changing colors

right before my eyes

powerful

easy

weird

He doesn’t hold my hand anymore

He knows I don’t need it

at least not now

not here

His glow warms me all over

in my heart

illuminating my mind

powering my strength

like soft electricity

we float around

looking at nothing

but looking at everything

I see things

see the explanation of some things

see the beginning of some things

even see the end of some things

He stays beside me the whole time

keeps His Hand right there

just in case I need to hold it

He knows when I’ve had enough

knows how much I can take

how much I can process right now

how much my mind can behold

He guides me back to the hole

tells me I did good

tells me I made Him proud

tells me my faith was enough

then He hugs me

then kisses my face

then squeezes my shoulder

like He doesn’t want me to leave

like He needs me

like He’ll be waiting right here for me

He wraps me in His glow one last time

then He pushes me back out

not violent

but firm

making sure I leave the darkness

making sure I go all the way out

making sure I don’t leave any part of me behind

then I hear Him calling me

from the other side

I love you, He says

I’ll be waiting

Copyright 2020. All Rights Reserved. Michelle St. Claire

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